I offer the following words to you like a painter offers a portrait, as a creative work to be enjoyed. What resonates with you, I offer you to take with you, what does not, I invite you to leave behind, and what may inspire you, I eagerly await whatever creative wisdom sits within you.
Newsletter Featured Articles Intention: A New Alternative to the New Year’s Resolution Introducing the Resolution
It’s a common story that has become the subject of jokes and cynical commentary, yet it remains a story many of us continue to play out, despite a generally confident knowing of the end results: the New Year’s Resolution.
The list of common New Year’s Resolutions can be recited by just about anyone; more exercise, better diet, give up coffee or cigarettes or some other “unbecoming” habit, earn more $, find a partner, start a meditation practice, be an all around better person. And, I have observed a great many people who remember their resolutions for no more than a couple of weeks, which then becomes wonderful fodder for self-deprecation, guilt or “giving up” entirely, until next year, of course.
So, despite knowing this strong tendency not to work, many of us continue to make resolutions, in the hopes that this time will be different. Oftentimes, we resolve, once a year, every year, the same resolution, and continue to feel badly about ourselves for not fulfilling them. It appears that, the mere act of making resolutions itself is fulfilling some need, or we would not continue to try, and then try harder and then, after that doesn’t work, try even harder.
But what if it were the trying itself that was leading to the challenge in the first place?
Introducing the Intention
I would like to introduce to you another option that gets met our need to continuously expand into better and better feeling places and into new experiences of our lives and our potential. It is a method that does not include any trying at all, as a matter of fact, the more you try, the less it works. Welcome to the power of setting Intention.
What is an intention? Many people actually relate to intention just like a resolution, as if it is a plan meant to be fulfilled, a note on a checklist to be completed and checked off. No matter what word you use, if it is a plan you are expecting to stick to exactly as promised, that is a resolution.
I would like to offer to you to think of an intention more as an Invitation. Just like when you send out an invitation to a friend to go to lunch with you, once you do your work of sending out the invitation, you are simply opening to receiving your answer. The friend may be available or not, but that is up to your friend. If you don’t receive the answer you were expecting, you have a couple of options to choose from. You can stay open to unexpected answers (perhaps your friend mentioned to her friend your invitation, and then you get a phone call from that person, or perhaps when she says no, you realize you actually prefer to go alone, and then strike up a wonderful conversation with an inspiring stranger). Secondly, the answer you receive may lead you to reform or refine your invitation or to whom you direct it. In the end, your only job is to do the inviting and then be willing to receive the answer. No trying necessary, simply invite, receive, refine, invite, receive, refine….
And so it goes with intention. An intention is an invitation to the energies of your life within and around you, whatever force it is that organizes what you feel like doing moment to moment and what comes into your path. In my lingo, I usually refer to that force as “the Universe”, but you can refer to it as chance, Spirit, God, self and many other names, whatever resonates for you. So, with an Intention, there is no possibility of failure, just refinement, learning and expecting the unexpected.
A Quick Preview of the Difference between Resolution and Intention
A Resolutions might sound like:
“I resolve to do or be “x”.”
An Intention might sound like:
“I invite “x” into my life in a way that feels easeful and natural. I am ready to move in the direction of doing or becoming “x”.”
A Resolution might look like:
A shot of energy in the direction of your promised action, and then a slow fading away, often into a sense of failure or oblivion.
An Intention might look like:
Enjoying the process of imagining and doing whatever is the next most easeful step in your life, whether or not it is directly related to the destination you have intended. Enjoying wherever it is that you are at, and constantly refining the clarity of your intention. Following intuitive guidance, feeling your feelings fully along the way, and continuously watching for limiting beliefs holding you back, and clearing them as they rise up.
It Takes Time to Make things Happen Quickly-A Story to Understand the Act of Setting Intention
So, lets back up a bit to understand why “resolutions” so often do not work, or at best, are often short-lived in their success. When we pick that goal, we are choosing a strategy that we think can make us feel better. I offer to you a picture. Imagine that this goal or strategy that you, as a resolution-maker choose (quitting smoking, relaxing more etc…), is like a beautiful mountaintop in the distance. As you stand in the valley, you take in the beauty of that mountain, and imagine how clear the air must be up there, how incredible the perspective. You begin to long to feel that cool thin air and bask in the glorious expanse of the mountain view, so you set your sights on being at the top of that mountain, knowing that, if you are going to have such an experience, the mountaintop is probably where you need to be. Or, perhaps it is not a mountain top, perhaps there is a beautiful pond you see in the distance. Whatever it is you see, the important factor is that, you long for it. And so, with the clarity in hand that that mountaintop or pond is where you long to be, you close your eyes, bend your knees and jump!
Woohoo! Here we go!
With a great shock and shudder to your system, you unpleasantly tumble to the ground, not two feet from your original leaping point. At this point you decide that if only you had tried harder, or if you were a better jumper, you would be at that mountaintop or be swimming in that pond. When you’ve berated yourself enough to solidify your incapacity, you finally “give up”, focusing not on the two feet forward that you made, but on the miles ahead that you were not able to cover in a single leap. So, you resign to a life in the valley or the distant woods, which, if you weren’t so dead set on that mountaintop or pond, you would find is quite stunning in itself, even though it may not offer the same benefits as your goal.
So, when you make a resolution, it is like vowing to be a better jumper, to try a bit harder and really make that jump this time. An intention is to set your direction towards where you want to be, and then, one foot in front of the other, to enjoy the hike, and make sure you have everything you need along the way. No doubt, that hike will take time, depending on how far in the distance you have chosen your destination, but, if you acknowledge the distance, and the landscape in between here and there, you can plan your trip accordingly, so there need not be any suffering along the way. There may and most likely will be feelings you encounter throughout the journey, perhaps frustration, impatience, boredom, doubt and so forth may cross your way as you face the various hills and valleys, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress, that is the spiritual workout that is the journey itself.
And now, since you’ve allowed yourself to take your time, and enjoy your hike as best you can, by the time you get but a few feet from that goal, you’ll notice that there is no effort involved in taking the final steps to be there, it is just one more small next step! Meanwhile, if you spent that entire time at your starting point, trying over and over to jump to the top of the mountain, it doesn’t matter how long you have been “trying”, you will still be in the same spot. If you decided to go for the hike, it may have taken you a couple of weeks, months or even years, but you well enjoyed the hike along the way, and you will have made it with one simple easy step at the end!
So, any goal you set, where you have to try in order to get there, you now know, is at least more than a couple steps away from where you actually are. The work is, to learn where you are, and figure out how to know what steps are right in front of you that you can easily take, while at the same time making progress in the direction of your ultimate goal.
Staying on “the Path”
Let’s back up a bit once again. Perhaps to get to even the base of the mountain, you need to walk through a thick forest, and once you step into it, you can’t even see the mountain anymore…so you think you must not be “getting anywhere”. With intention, you don’t need to see your end product to know you are “getting there”. Intention points you in the right direction, and then simply following one foot in front of the other (the step that feels most accessible to your energy in the moment), trusting your orientation, is all you need to do to make your way.
And the best bonus of all is, you can finally rest into the joy of being exactly where you are. Maybe you are trying to eat differently so you set an intention to move in the direction of being in a place where it feels easy to eat in your ideal healthful way. You invite that in the Universe, and then follow your guidance. Perhaps your guidance leads you to places where you are eating foods that you would consider “unhealthy”. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t also moving towards a better feeling place in your life. Perhaps what is feeling easy at the time is to focus on making a change in your work situation, and that is taking all of your energy. It doesn’t appear that you are working on moving towards a healthier diet, as a matter of fact, with all the transition, its getting “worse”. However, lets say, because you trusted your intention, and allowed yourself to invest fully in your transition with your work while giving a little slack to your eating, you finally find that ideal job that inspires you and gives you plenty of time to cook and enjoy leisurely meals…and without even noticing, one day you realize, wow, I eat in a way that feels healthy to me everyday, and I don’t even think about it! It just comes naturally.
If you let those woods get you down and convince you that you are getting nowhere…you will resign to the woods, and never make it to the other side. If you can gather enough faith in the power of intention and in the wisdom of your own guidance, going forward always to the next most accessible step, you will make it there.
In such a visualized image, it becomes clear to any one of us, that it takes much more than one concerted leap to get to that mountaintop. A resolution is like trying to jump there. An intention is beginning to walk there, one step at a time, and enjoying the hike, taking in the scenery along the way. Realizing that, although the mountaintop is a symbol of the many steps of your hike, the hike itself is just as much of the fun!
So, with an intention, it is not “getting there” that marks your success, but how good you feel imagining your intention. The point of getting to the mountaintop in the first place, is to feel good. If you can find an intention that feels good, even to imagine, well then, you’re already there.
One Final Thought
So, I actually had a New Year’s resolution myself…to get this article out by New Years! But luckily, just when I noticed the resolving energy getting ready to push, pressure and judge, I switched to Intending that I would move into a place where it felt easy to offer helpful words to others, if that was indeed for the highest and best good of my path and those around me. I invited feeling good about both the process and the product and that it would come out at the right time. So, thanks to that switch, I was able to enjoy all the moments of “not getting it done” as much as I did putting these words together as an offering to you! And if it was a resolution, when January 1st came and went, I would have given up on it altogether, assuming that I had already failed to reach my goal…but thanks to the intention, only after finishing writing this, did I realize, what a better time to read this article than a couple weeks after New Years, exactly that time when the resolution energy begins to wane. Thanks to intention, everything eventually came together, and I offer this to you now. And if you have read this far, I’m guessing that it may have even been worth the wait ; )
I wish you all a fulfilling journey in this new year!!
Coming Next Month…
Practical Offerings for Setting a Powerful Intention
In next month’s article, you will be taken the next step in this powerful process of intention setting, by beginning to learn the practical, on-the-ground application, the how-to of intention setting. For a quick preview, you will learn how to:
1. Focus on the Feeling Place
2. Focus on What you Want
3. Identify and Clear Limiting Beliefs (and benefit from the wisdom in all kinds of feelings)
4. Intend the Way the you Would like the Process to Unfold
5. Choose Both/And
6. Invite Guidance
7. Open to the Highest and Best
8. Celebrate Small (and Large) Victories
9. Follow What Feels Effortless
10. Find a Good Feeling Intention
If you enjoyed this article, found it helpful, or you don’t want to wait for next month’s article, the following resources may be valuable to you.
Balance Point Groups Offerings:
Manifesting Coaching Groups (now enrolling, click here to enroll)
Law of Attraction Discussion Groups/Open Manifesting Circles (coming soon, click here to receive notification)
Balance Point One-on-One Coaching:
Manifesting Coaching
Transformational Coaching
Integrated Transformation Coaching
Books (Available at Libraries, Amazon.com or through the Balance Point bookstore):
The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer
Ask & It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks
The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent by Esther & Jerry Hicks
11 Practical Offerings for Setting a Powerful Intention
It is an exciting time for conscious creators these days, what with The Secret making "manifesting" a more popular concept.
That said, as it goes through the ages, oftentimes, the version that allows something to be popular, can also sometimes be the version that glosses over the nitty gritty, down in the dirt, complexities. As I have moved among the folks newly introduced to this incredibly powerful view, I've seen how some of the challenges of practical, daily application still need to be addressed. This article is intended to supplement your journey towards fluency of the daily practical application and language of manifesting and conscious creation. And even in that, it is only a beginning.
Please remember, as with all powerful paths, though the fundamental concept is simple, the daily application and embodiment of conscious manifesting has many complex facets to it, and it takes practice to master (even though mastery itself is a continuous learning and unfolding). So, start small, build on your successes and give yourself time to learn all the exciting & empowering threads of this powerful practice.
There are many practical tools to help with this practice, more than can fit in this article. So, to begin, I offer you 11 basic & central strategies with more to come as we move along. You can click on any of the following to skip to that tool. They are:
Practical Tool #1: Focus on the Core Hunger & the Feeling Place
Oftentimes, when we set intentions or goals, we pick something specific that we want, or at least, that we think we want. For example, I might say, "I want to exercise more." In that example, exercise is really a strategy for accomplishing something else. Perhaps what I really want is to feel fit & healthy. Perhaps I want to feel more energized or feel better about my physical appearance. We jump to the conclusion that exercising is the best way to accomplish these more core hungers, and then oftentimes engage in a fighting match with our natural inclinations. Perhaps you think exercising is what will make you feel more energized, when really it is resting. So you keep dragging yourself to the gym, but only getting more and more exhausted. If you simply followed your natural inclination to rest for a whole weekend, you might find that on Monday, your body is flowing with energy and you can't hold yourself back from going to the gym. So, instead of choosing something specific to manifest, try intending the hungers beneath that strategy, like the simple intention, I want to feel fit & healthy, more energized and positive about my physical appearance. You'd be surprised all of the different ways those marvelous experiences might find their way into your life!
Summary: Set intention according to your core hungers and how it is that you want to feel in your life.
Practical Tool #2: Focus on What you Do Want
This is one of the most subtle tricksters in the art of setting intention, and the one that trips most people up, leading them to decide that manifesting doesn't work because they've "tried it". According to the Law of Attraction, what you focus on expands. The Universe doesn't speak English, it speaks Energy. Don't think of a pink elephant. No, I said dooonnn't think of a pink elephant. (odds are, you had at least one thought about a pink elephant there, come on, admit it ; ). So, when you are making your prayers, ask for what you want to experience, and that is what will expand.
Now this is, unfortunately, not as simple as it seems. Perhaps you are saying, "I am focusing on what I want! I want to stop world hunger, live pain free and prevent people from hurting me. That is what I do want." Remember, the Universe is not paying attention to your words, but your energy. You can say all you want with words, but what is your attention really going towards? What you really just said on the inside is, "I don't want people to go hungry, I don't want to experience pain & I don't want to feel hurt." So, hungry people and pain is what you are calling in.
To give us all a little slack, I will let you know that it is a lot easier to come to a conclusion of what we don't want, it is simpler, that is why we all do it so often. And, it is actually a positive, helpful thing to identify what you don't want, as long as, eventually, you put in that extra little bit of conscious energy to turn that don't want into what you do want...it is well worth the investment!
*A very important note, this does not mean that you have to question and probe your every thought. There are those that then get scared that every thought they have about something they don't want will show up on their doorstep. I believe this piece was well addressed in the movie, The Secret. There is a beautiful thing called, time, in our Universe. It is a buffer to keep your every thought from manifesting. Manifesting energy is cumulative over time, so as long as you are bringing conscious energy towards focusing on what you want, that will soon weigh out the "don't wants". Though the "don't want" thoughts take less energy to make, they also have less energy going out. A "do want" thought has more creative energy behind it than a don't want, so there is no need to worry.
Summary: When setting Intention, put your attention on what you want to experience and watch for the subtle "don't wants" that seep in through our day-to-day experiences.
Practical Tool # 3: Power of Awareness
It takes energy to figure out what you want and to manage the emotions of coming into contact with what you don't want. A tool that has made its way into many of the contemplative spiritual traditions has great power in equalizing all of the myriad energies involved in consciousness; awareness. It is the one simple tool that can help no matter what is going on. If ever you get confused or tied up in the how to's of this or that, awareness is your one-size-fits-all strategy. Awareness means simply, notice what is going on. Notice your thoughts, your feelings, your body sensations, the random images, songs, memories or inner voices that float through your consciousness. Notice what you see, hear, smell, taste. Notice what you observe happening around you, "to" you, in front of you. Notice it in your head, write it down on paper, draw it, dance it...whatever! Just, notice it. Just bringing awareness to your thoughts, without shifting, fixing, analyzing or interpreting them, brings positive manifesting power into your life. The Power of Awareness is the great equalizing force, steadily bringing you from wherever you are into alignment with your highest and best.
Summary: Awareness is the great equalizer. When you don't know what else to do, notice what is going on within and around you.
Practical Tool #4: Identify and Clear Limiting Beliefs
Okay, this is the other subtle trickster in the manifesting riddle. What do I mean by beliefs here? In this context, belief refers to the conscious, or more importantly, subconscious beliefs we have about the way the world works, how things should be done and what is possible to experience. How these beliefs are formed and how they function is a whole other article, or rather, book...but it is such an important piece of the practical application puzzle, that it definitely needs mention here. If you are struggling to make "positive thinking" work to manifest your dreams, this is probably one of the main roadblocks for you, and it is worth learning more.
Beliefs are an important part of being human and enjoying life. However, sometimes, we form a belief which is oversimplified or unhelpful to the pursuit of joy in our lives. Maybe the belief was helpful at one time, but is now obsolete. These particular beliefs which are no longer supporting our highest and best good, I refer to as "limiting beliefs". For example, you may set an intention to experience the freedom & ease of financial abundance. You are focusing on what you want and the feeling place. All is well. Then why is nothing coming? Well, perhaps you grew up hearing or even just observing, "Earning money is hard work. It is a sacrifice, but that's just the way it is." Hmmm...why would you want to have financial abundance in order to experience freedom & ease, if it comes at the cost of freedom and ease? The answer is simple, you wouldn't, and so you don't. Oftentimes, these beliefs are oversimplified explanations of life situations that may have been helpful in dealing with a past experience, but they are now holding you back. And the tricky thing is, they are often so built into our wiring, that we don't even realize they are there. However, once you uncover one, you can feel how it has been there all along, like an old familiar voice. Once you identify that the belief is in there, you are just a couple steps away from being able to reprogram your belief to read something like, "Financial abundance flows easefully when you put your energy into what you love." This new belief, or whatever one is appropriate to your situation, lets you attract what you are seeking.
The art of clearing and rewriting limiting beliefs is both a simple and complex undertaking. If the subject catches your interest, stay tuned for future articles that will go into more detail on the practical steps to achieving this potent clarity.
Summary: Take an inventory of those subtle yet powerful inner voices that tell you what is and is not possible or how things work. Write powerful beliefs that work for you.
Practical Tool #5: Find a Believable Prayer
A close follow up to clearing limiting beliefs, is finding a believable prayer. You may be praying for world peace by the end of the year, but if that doesn't seem realistic in your heart, you will likely find a block to making it happen. It has to feel real. So, when you make a prayer, check in to see if it feels possible. If it doesn't, keep taking small steps back in your prayer until you've found one that seems real to you. Maybe world peace by the end of the year feels unrealistic, but what about feeling like you have contributed to peace significantly to the people in your community by the end of the year, and letting world peace be a prayer for within your lifetime? You can also put out a prayer to be willing to believe something is possible that you don't yet believe. So, you pray for peace in your community by the end of the year as well as the ability to believe its possible to make world peace feel truly realistic within the next decade (that is something that I pray to feel possible to me!)
Summary: Find a prayer that feels believable and pray to be able to believe even more is possible.
Practical Tool #6: Intend the Way the you Would like the Process to Unfold
As you can already begin to see, manifesting what you truly want is really an ever-unfolding & deepening process. So, in addition to identifying how you would like to feel and what you hunger for, identify how you would like to feel during the process itself. I want to manifest a peaceful yet adventurous life, and I want the process of unfolding into that to feel easeful, natural and fun.
Practical Tool #7: Honor & Make Space for the Full Spectrum of Emotions
Again, this topic is probably enough to fill up a couple of books...at least! But, it is so crucial, and soooo often overlooked, it deserves at least an introduction here.
In popular teachings of manifesting, I have heard talk of what is called "positive thinking". This phrase can get very, very tricky. In this article, I can only begin to address it. There is a major difference between a positive intention and a "positive" emotion. Lets start with changing the emotional spectrum from "positive" and "negative" or "good" and "bad" emotions to "pleasant" and "unpleasant" emotions. Every single emotion has a purpose, if you know how to channel it towards more expansiveness, even guilt, depression, hatred and rage. On the flipside, every emotion can be used to create destruction or contraction, even enthusiasm, love and joy. What is important is not the content of the emotion, but how we make space to channel that emotion through our experience. A "positive" intention is one that we already referred to as focusing on what you "do" want. In this statement, the word positive is not a judgement of good versus bad, but rather a description. Focusing on what you do want is the positive, on what you don't want, is the negative. Both have their place, neither is right or wrong, they just are what they are, and accomplish what they accomplish.
As far as emotions go, in this work, we see emotions as "energy in motion". An emotion is an energy that wants to move through you by being fully felt (more on what this means in another article to come). On the other side of a fully felt emotion is usually more clarity about a limiting belief or what it is you truly want. There are many ways to allow yourself to fully feel your emotions, as opposed to projecting them or repressing them, but the first step to doing this is to honor each emotion as a sacred and critical part of the puzzle. Honor each one as best you can. They are all "positive" when channeled in a positive direction. In my personal opinion, the greatest challenge of being human is learning how to fully feel an emotion. I've seen grown men, tough men that could easily take a bullet or charge a battle line, cower at the idea of having to face an emotion. There is no experience more intense than one of a pure emotion channeling through your veins, be it extreme joy and love or extreme sadness and grief. So, if I can only begin to impress the value of learning how to honor and channel emotions as part of creating an abundant life, than I feel I've done at least a small service.
Summary: Honor that every emotion plays an important role, there are no good or bad emotions, right or wrong emotions, simply ones that are more pleasant to experience than others. They all have useful information and purpose, when channeled consciously.
Practical Tool #8: Choose Both/And
Many challenges in manifesting what you want come from an "either/or" mindset. Why aren't I attracting a romantic partner even though I keep intending to do so? If somewhere inside,whether in your deep subconscious, or right up there on the surface, there is a belief that, I can have a romantic partner, or I can have the freedom to do what I want when I want in my life, then you will keep blocking yourself from attracting a partner (assuming freedom is something you want). Would you be willing to believe that you can have both/and? If you are not willing to believe that both/and is possible, then you won't be able to attract or create it. First start by finding a both/and prayer that feels possible and then go for it. I am ready to receive a partner with whom I feel connected and feel connected to a sense of personal freedom and autonomy in my life. That feels much better!
Practical Tool #9: Open to the Highest and Best
No matter what you are praying for, a powerful tool for getting what you actually want is adding the little phrase, "...or whatever is for the highest and best good of my path." This little prayer makes room for the shocking possibility that you only think you know what you want, when in fact, you are not yet in touch with what you truly seek. This is especially appropriate if you are praying for something specific rather than the hungers identified in Practical Tool #1. For example, try offering the prayer, "I want to attract a life partner that wants to share this journey with me, or whatever is for the highest and best good for my experience of joy and fulfillment on my path at this time". It may be that, in order to really be ready to be in a the ideal partnership, you need to take some steps forward in your career to come to peace with your sense of contribution to the world. So as a result of this prayer, you end up getting career opportunities, and stay single just a bit longer. The key here is not just adding the phrase, but really being open to receiving what is truly for your highest and best.
Practical Tool #10: Find a Good Feeling Intention
Perhaps most important of all, in the art of setting intention, is to find a good feeling intention. Our feelings are the most powerful guidance between our soul and our conscious mind. Although this language of the soul can often be complex, there is one very simple way to decode the language. When you make a prayer, does it create a pleasant feeling or an unpleasant feeling in the center of your being? You might make a prayer that sounds pleasant intellectually, but leaves you with a feeling of tightness in your heart..trust the tightness, and adjust the prayer until even just the prayer itself brings you the feeling you are seeking.
Practical Tool #11: Invite and Follow Your Guidance
Many people complain that they have been manifesting for something and it is just not coming, because they said their prayer and then waited for it to walk up to the doorstep. Our prayers are answered through the little intuitive guidances that pop up throughout the day, and so, if we want to receive them, we have to be open to trusting and following that guidance.
Perhaps you put out a prayer to find a new job that can meet your needs for a flexible schedule and then, while driving home from work that day, you began to think about a restaurant on the other side of town. Your mind begins to fight with the thought, "there is not time to go to that restaurant" or "I don't usually drive home that way, who knows what the traffic will be like" or "I heard the food there was only so-so" or the classic "Why would I want to go there? What does that have to do with anything". Alas, little did you know that sitting at that restaurant right at this moment was an old college buddy of yours that you haven't seen for years. Turns out he just started working for a new start-up company that happens to be doing something in which you have often dreamed of getting involved. He has been asked to keep his eye out for new recruits for a great high-salaried position with a totally flexible schedule! But, if you don't follow that guidance, or even just begin by trusting that guidance is what it is, you will never run into that old buddy, and you'll be driving that same old route back to work in the morning. Prayers are answered in magical and often random, unexpected ways. You must cultivate your ability to follow the guidance within, begin to trust and expect the unexpected, and you will complete the circle from setting intention to creating a reality!
So, between these 11 Practical steps, you may be able to find a boost in your practice of living a consciously created life. Granted, even these practical tools have practical tools for applying each of them, and it is very much a practice to apply these things in real, on the ground, day-to-day situations. As long as you give yourself room to breath and to take baby-steps forward, you will see progress. If you want support and guidance applying these tools and learning more, give the Balance Point a call to find out about the many different services for augmenting your practice. Support is definitely practical tool #12, whether it is professional support or that of friends, family or helpful articles and books, we all need the support of others in our path. The more support we let in, the more we have to offer to ourselves and others.
I wish you all many blessings on your path to create what you want!
Coming next month, the most potent and viscerally transformative practical tool of them all, not to be used by the meek of heart, for it is guaranteed to bring powerful, sometimes terrifying shifts towards joy, authenticity, balance and harmony, "Honor your Resistance; Do what comes Naturally; Work Easy". Watch out, its all a lot easier than it appears.
back to top
Spring Cleaning…for the Soul
Spring time is known to many as a powerful time for cleansing, that is to say, clearing away old debris from past events that, when released, make room for the new beginnings that spring brings. "Spring cleaning", as it is oft referred, is usually a reference to the cleaning out of the home. For others, this spring cleaning time has also marked the occasion for a physical cleanse to purify the body. Both a cleansing of the house as well as of the body, are both powerful rituals that support another type of cleansing. I offer to you, the idea of a spring cleaning for the soul.
Cleaning the home and cleaning the body alike can be very cathartic experiences to the emotions, the psyche, the soul. Sometimes, it helps to address the soul cleansing directly, through other means. Just as there is accumulated debris after any fruitful activity, after a good meal, there are crumbs and plates to clean, after a long nap, a bit of stretching and eye rubbing needs to be tended too, so it is with the psyche and the soul as it goes through the experience of day-to-day living. So often, as we go through experiences, some subtle, some not so subtle, we do not have the time, energy, skill or awareness to see what left over questions, thoughts and feelings have yet to be processed. Whether it is a painful or even traumatizing experience, a pleasant, celebratory one, or a simple daily transition, there can be resulting energies, if left unprocessed, that can begin to block the flow of energy in your life. And just as a pile can sit in a basement, or at the back of the drawer in your desk, or worst of all, somewhere in the fridge emitting its telltale odor to try and guide you to its source, so too can unprocessed experiences sit within and clog up the works. Each “pile” in the soul requires different types and levels of urgency to be addressed, but even to begin realizing that this is a form of hygiene that is just as important as an other, is an important first step. The “odor” of an unprocessed experience can show up in many ways in your life, from repeated and unsatisfying life patterns or blocks to chronically challenging emotions or even physical maladies.
While we live in a culture that is more than happy to help you spring clean your home, and more and more accommodating to those prone to physical cleanses of the body, there are very few places where we can look to societal support or guidance for a good soul cleansing. Even in some of the places where we can find it, such as therapy, we often relate to it as something “wrong”, oil for a squeaky wheel, rather than simply good spiritual hygiene needed by everyone, and honored and shared between as all.
In our society, crying, which can be a hallmark of a good solid soul cleansing, is often seen as a weakness or a flag that something is wrong and needs to be fixed, or at the very least, an uncomfortable disturbance. While this generalization is by no means true across the board, it is common enough to make it worth addressing. Even if one does find tears to cry, many only feel safe doing so in our most private spaces, which, in many ways, can be counterproductive to the purpose of crying as a cleansing for the soul. Oftentimes, what we need is to be witnessed and cared for in our cleansing in order to really clear completely. In a Mayan Village in Guatemala (see newsletter sidebar for a recommended cd for more info on this village and its traditions) the tradition is such that, when a man or woman walks down the street wailing and crying in agony over whatever the subject may be, he or she is not escorted to a mental ward, nor given pills to quiet them, nor arrested for disturbing the peace, nor even consoled or asked “what’s wrong?”. Rather, the villagers turn to each other and say, “let’s go listen”. While the person expresses their grief, the village listens, until the grief has poured its way out, leaving the originating vessel a clean home in which to go forth living. In another village, this one in Burkina Faso in Africa, the people routinely have huge Grief Rituals where the village comes together to grieve the passing of life’s many longings and loves in a potently organized and beautiful ceremony. I had the supreme privelege to participate in two of these ceremonies led at a conference center in Massachusetts by Sobonfu Some, a native of the Dagara People to whom the tradition belongs. In both of these cases, what was once deemed an unpleasant, lonely and sometimes traumatizing place to be, that is to say, grief, becomes an opportunity to share in the devastating beauty and potency of the human experience, and so becomes a celebration of life, in its full spectrum of colors. In both, the full spectrum and its expression is more a matter of spiritual and emotional hygiene, rather than the fixing of a problem.
A major goal of my work as a Life Coach and Healer, is to aide people in remembering how to feel and to grieve fully and authentically; to relearn how to clean the dishes of the soul with just as much casual consistency and attentiveness as you would the ones in your sink (though I’ve found the more the dishes of the soul stay dirty, the more challenging it is to bring yourself to clean the ones in your sink, as within, so without).
A couple years ago when I was going through a whole life phase that was all about soul cleansing, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon the work of both Martine Prechtel (see sidebar), and Sobonfu Some. I found Sobonfu’s Grief Rituals just when I needed them. I was going through a process of deep forgiveness for things that I didn’t even realize, until then, that I needed to let go of. I grieved, not a lost person in the physical sense, but I grieved childhood expectations, so subtle within me, that I did not even realize that it had been lodged in my psyche and soul, holding me back from forgiving, and thusly, fully living my life, free and empowered. I attended two grief rituals within the space of three months and I grieved from the very core of my being. I found a place of deep acceptance for forgiveness for the world, finally seeing the possibility of healing and wholeness, right here, in this world, with all its challenges. The experience was similar to when you clean your kitchen, but this time, you get in all of those little nooks, like the place between the sink and the wall, or those corners of the stove or cabinets where gunk accumulates. I scrubbed my soul squeaky clean, and I came out on the other side to a life of freedom, synchronicity, empowerment and abundance. I can not even begin to truly express the profound shift that has come in my life from this simple act of soul cleansing. And I continue to clean myself out with daily, weekly, monthly and yearly rituals, all in various degrees of structure, depending on the need.
Now, because you and I live in this society that we do, when you first begin to cleanse your soul, you might realize, whoa, there’s more in this basement than I thought there would be. So, go easy on yourself, take your time, and believe it or not, you can even have fun with it, especially if you find people to help, support, guide and with whom to share the experience. It may seem like a chore, but grieving in ritual, with intention and with a village is more of a pleasant celebration than you might at first think. I invite you to join me in this magnificent time of spring cleaning. Whether it is your house, your body, your soul or all three at once, may we all clean the channels that our souls come alive again, and again, and again!
If you are interested in Soul Cleansing, I recommend the following resources:
Grief & Praise, by Martine Prechtel (available at the Balance Point bookstore)
Grief Ritual with Sobonfu Some, upcoming at Rowe Conference Center, April 18-20, www.sobonfu.com
Area Sweatlodges (a native American ceremony for purifying mind, body and spirit), contact Julie for information on various area sweatlodges
Individual or Group Work with Julie at the Balance Point and many other professionals focused on personal & communal growth, transformation & renewal. back to top Making Space: Offering you Room to Bloom
back to top
Well, I must say that our weekly talking stick circles are continuing to be proof to me, not only that listening, introspection, journeying and sharing are my ultimate joys in life, but that the power of holding such space for each other, is truly potent and incredible.
It continuously amazes me to see the revelations that come just from the open space for sharing, and how much wisdom we each gain from listening to each others ponderings. And furthermore, the bonds that are forming from sharing in such an authentic space are quicker and more genuine than some I've experienced through years of casual relating!
Talking Stick Circle exemplifies one of the fundamental philosophies that I carry in my work, my practice; the idea of "making space" and its close relation, "holding space". Though I utilize many different tools in supporting people to come into alignment with themselves, the idea of "making" and "holding space" is what lies at the core of all of them. What is "Space"?
Space is, essentially, the tangible expression of accepting things for what they are, allowing life room to breath. It is based on the philosophy that there is inherent wisdom and wholeness innate to all life, and all things in it, and all that wisdom or energy needs is room to bloom and flow. Now, of course, this is the over-simplified general philosophy, but, if you are willing to go on faith for a bit, I will introduce you a bit deeper to the basic concept. If you do decide to go down the path of allowing space for what is...you are in for a wild and beautiful ride indeed!
"Making Space"
This terminology of "space" can take virtually any form. It can be expressed as taking time to simply listen to oneself, or another, or as the organization of a practical system that acknowledges how energies naturally flow, or as taking an action that is an acknowledgement of guidance coming from within. As long as, at its essence, it is about acceptance, then it is "making space". In some sense, "making space" and ingenuity, creativity and innovation are very similar. Modern entrepreneurs can be some of the most gifted people at this art, as they see a need in society, and attempt to "make space" for that need by inventing a service or product. That said, many new services and products may "make space" only for one isolated need, while cramping many other unidentified ones, but it still exemplifies on some level, one way of "making space".
"Holding Space"
"Holding space" is slightly different than "making space", although they are closely related. To hold space is very specifically an act of presence for whatever is true, without becoming involved in it, in any way. "Making Space" does imply an active involvement. The most common example of holding space is, if someone needs to vent, you listen. You listen without trying to fix, analyze, process or interact in any other way. You are not taking anything they say personally, or even necessarily seeking to understand them as they express. You are not actively relating to what they are sharing (though often, when holding space you may end up relating to something and feeling a shift within yourself, but that is not what it is about)...you are simply holding the space for expression to happen. It is like holding out your arms like a cup and just inviting the person sharing to pour out whatever is inside, just to get it out. You are providing the powerful energy of bearing witness to the journey of another.
The act of "holding space" for yourself or another person is a truly powerful act indeed. So often, we feel that, before we express ourselves, we need to understand ourselves perfectly, or be able to express ourselves clearly and intelligently. Words are powerful tools, and best to be used wisely, yet we have so few forums for finding the right ones. So often, the first draft is the only one we get out when it comes to expressing oneself verbally. Thusly, so often we feel that once we have expressed something, we are now bound to be or do as we said, even though what we said may not have been a clear or accurate expression of our truest depth, which we probably did not have room or time to truly explore. Oh well, too late, you said what you said (thus is born all of the "he said", "she said" bickerings of all time!). We wouldn't expect a song writer to necessarily sit down and write a new song and play it perfectly the first time while they were writing it, although I'm sure it does happen, as it does with communication as well. Usually, we expect there to be a creative process of stumbling through the energy to find the flow. And yet, with ourselves, with each other, we so often expect that when we express ourselves, every time, we must know and understand clearly what we are saying, feeling and thinking to the very core, right away. We then hold ourselves and each other accountable and little by little people find themselves feeling trapped by their own words or by the unclear perceptions of the words of others. Holding space allows for that messy, creative, stumbling in the process of self-reflection, transformation and discovery, so that you have room to find your words, to find yourself and to express yourself intentfully and clearly in your life and relationships.
When someone is “holding space” for me, sometimes I say things I only partially mean, or don’t mean at all, or things that run through my mind that, if I did not have a safe space to explore them, I would never see the real truth, feeling or insight that lay just behind that thought. And always, after someone “holds space” for me, if they have really done it purely, without interacting with me on any level (that means, not even the uh-huh sound that people often use to indicate they are listening…), I almost always feel lighter, more clear and more present and accepting of whatever is going on. If I felt that I had to say only what I meant, I might not have found what I really meant. A Language of Space
One of the most important reasons to share this concept and give it a word, is that it creates a language, that then becomes a tool in relationship. Utilizing the language of space in actual day to day life relationships is worth a whole article in itself. For now, it is helpful even just to recognize it as a word, and start to ask yourself, what kind of "space" do I need right now to give what is inside of me room to bloom? Maybe you need to be heard, to be understood, to rest, to take action, to explore and so forth?
"Space" as a Transformational Tool
The idea behind "space" as a transformational tool is simple. In fact,it is one of my favorite life paradoxes; the more we attempt to change or fix something, the more it stays they way it is, and, conversely, the more we allow things to be what they are, the more they begin to change and transform on their own!
Oh, I definitely run into doubters on this one! As a matter of fact, this simple concept, if one really gets it, is a complete life paradigm shift, and it is my belief that, when we can all truly understand what it means and how it works, we will live in a world of ever-transforming harmony, beauty and flow. In some ways, it is counterintuitive, but once you really understand the depths of what it means to "make space", you will see how very profound indeed it can be. The idea behind "making space" is that everything, and I mean everything, that happens in life is truth and inner guidance attempting to express itself, even if indirectly. So, even sickness or challenges have fundamental truths that are trying to be expressed. The key is in learning how to listen and hear those truths. That, indeed is where the true art, science and ongoing practice of "making space" begins. As I find myself so often saying, that particular art and science is enough to fill up many books, let alone one little article, and is what I spend months or years working with people and with myself to explore and practice. However, if you can master the simple intention to accept things as they are, and eventually learn how to truly "make space", the rest will unfold in it’s own magical way, and what a beautiful journey it becomes! If you are interested in "holding space" or having space "held" for you, come join us for talking stick circle on Friday nights at 7pm at the Balance Point, or inquire to Julie about talkingstick@thebalancepoint.org to find out how to take advantage of our cyber talking stick. Both services are by donation only. As a matter of fact, all Balance Point services, from individual sessions to coaching groups to open circles will all offer you a taste of "space" and how to more deeply understand and apply this powerful concept. I have even been told, just walking into the Balance Point physical space creates the feeling of relief that a little extra room to bloom allows. back to top
The Invisible Art of Making Space for Change Coming soon, check back in a couple of days!
|
